A Matter of Solitaire

Have you ever won a game of solitaire on the computer, and then sat there, staring at the computer screen as the cards jumped, flew, and bounded off screen? I think everytime I see that, I think I've done something amazing, something so few have ever done before. I get that, look at me feeling, the one where you want people to know, you've done well at something. Isn't that ridiculous? I think it is... For the first time, ever, I haven't gotten that feeling. I watched the cards bounding, flying, jumping off the screen, and I didn't feel, anything, except maybe a bit numb. My eyes blurred, the numbers of the cards were unreadable, and my mind was somewhere else.

I used to be teased, still am actually, for passing time by playing solitaire. I used to play it all the time on my computer while trying to come up with something to write... trying to figure out how to put my thoughts onto paper... it always helped clear my head. Maybe this time it cleared it a little too much, because I didn't think anything. I didn't mind the teasing though, still don't, I like that that's what I do, and I think I just might like the fact that I didn't get a "look at me feeling" for the first time ever, maybe it will continue to be that way, maybe not... But it did give me something to write about.

I think the game of solitaire is properly named though, because it is a solitary activity. You can play it by yourself, or take turns, watch others, but it's still one person, one single, solitary soul. It's that person's decisions, guesses, mistakes, correct actions, that determine the outcome of the game. It's one mind, maybe two hands, that play... and whatever that person uses to see.

Seeing is an interesting thing though, because sometimes things aren't what they at first appear. A card can easily be misplaced, a game can easily be lost, and a heart can easily be crushed, when people cannot see. I don't know how I started a post about solitaire and ended it with love, but there you have it. Love isn't a game. It isn't something to be played with, it is a part of life. There are many parts of love, there's the friendship, the brothership, the loveship, the undescribableship; all of which are different forms of love, and, because of which, are parts of life.

Life is so fragile, and so fleeting, I think if we aren't faced with a life or death scenario, where it all comes down to one action, one wrong move, and a life is ended, if we aren't faced with that, we never truly see just how fleetingly fragile life here can be. Is, actually. Well, now I've turned philosophical, so I think I'll turn in for the night.